"Home is where one starts from. As we grow older the world becomes stranger" - T. S. Eliot

Our childhood never really leaves; no matter how many pages we flip and how many chapters we complete, that part of our life always stays with us. And, the mind often wants to repeat some incidents, so that we could either live those moments again and be happy, or amend some unpleasant episodes. 


Our emotional journey starts with our parents:
The way our parents react to a situation and behave with each other is the initial learning that we take, unknowingly. And when they verbally teach us how to react and behave, we reflect exactly what we are already witnessing. Now, what if the parents' relationship that their child observes is not a very happy one? That confuses the little one, creates an insecurity that paves the path to several behavioural problems such as trauma, lack of confidence, trust issues and many more.

What happens when parental conflict occurs?

"When parents fight, the child has a crisis of loyalty." - Chrisjen Avasarala


When a home,the safest place turns out to be a mess because of the fight, argument and conflict among the parents, the child is panicked, insecure and vulnerable. One's reaction may differ from the other because of the age and the capacity to accept, but the effect on their mental health can last for a longer time.

• If the child is an infant, the immediate reaction to witness the parents fighting would result in crying. The toddlers, who go through the development period as they learn to speak, learn and behave. During this stage, if someone watches the silent distance between the parents, or verbal argument, or physical torture, that child becomes emotionally confused and often learns the same behaviour because of the tendency to imitate others.

• When a child starts going to school, and eventually makes new friends, the behavioural problems also arise. If someone gets to see the abusive father hitting his/her mother at home, that can result in bullying and fighting with other children. Someone else might prefer to stay at the school for a longer time instead of their home because that is not his/her happy place and thus, a child develops escapism in the mind.


• When a teenager experiences trouble between the parents, several changes take place in his/her personality as well. Depression, aggression, social anxiety, behavioural disorders are some of the issues that they mostly deal with. 

• When someone has to believe the fact that his/her parents are getting a divorce and the relationship will never be the same again, or when the split does not happen legally, yet there is always a distance between a couple, who are staying under the same roof, it affects their child so much that the fear, insecurity and self-doubt weaken him/her from within. Apparently, all these can affect a student's academic performance, decision making process and social interactions. Someone might develope Gamophobia, the fear of commitment/marriage, because of witnessing the failed relationship of their parents. Somebody else might become the abusive partner in future which he never really intended to. 

How to deal with the conflicts:

"Love begins at home." - Mother Teresa 

Each relationship has its own struggle and issues. But when there is a younger one who look upto his/her parents, the situations must be dealt with empathy, respect and care. 

 • Discuss the problems: We often consider being silent and hiding a problem from the children as the correct method thinking is that they might not be affected. But, when the kids observe mere silence between the parents, and there is a lack of emotional attachment, that is even more problematic. They need to be reminded that arguments happen when people disagree with something and apparently lose temper, but that should not harm the love and bonding that the family shares. 

 • Talk to a therapist: Often, the situations get tougher for the parents to handle. It is better to consult a therapist for emotional regulation, anger management and counseling. That can help both the parents in decision making and their child in the overall growth.


Always remember that your children will become what you are: Be careful with your words and actions because you are the mirror of your children. They notice how you both behave with each other and overcome a problematic situation, their behaviour and attitude also get shaped accordingly. So, deal with your problems with patience, kindness and care.